Sunday, September 11, 2011

A different sort of memorial...

If you've been following my blog for a while, you probably read my post about where I was on September 11th.  I wrote it last year and it tells the story pretty well.  At the time, I wasn't sure why I was doing that particular post on the 9th anniversary.  I feel like I should have waited.  Now I know why I didn't.

It's the tenth anniversary of the tragedy today.  Every minute of that day is still painful to think about. The worst part of it all was that I had no idea where my then boyfriend was and I thought he was working near the Empire State Building that day.  I couldn't find him for hours.  My boss at the time, who was only a few years older than me lost her husband in the second tower.  The sadness of that still lingers.

I imagined I'd be watching the 9/11 specials and tributes and crying with memories this Sunday.  But I can't.  Because 8 years ago today I was standing in front of a justice of the peace in a little town in Scotland with that same man, getting married.  Just the legal ceremony.  The big to-do in a castle with a kilt and bag pipes and a priestess was all the next day.  I didn't even dress up for the legal part.  But I had no idea how emotional we would all get.  Even the sweet old lady reading the vows choked up and had tears in her eyes.  So did he.

On the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I'm sitting with divorce papers on my desk.  This was not of my choosing.  Not at all...that is a story for another day.  So as my heart is breaking into a million shards of broken glass, I can't watch anything about the towers or the aftermath or the terror threats.  I can't watch the memorials because I'm having one of my own over the end of a 15 year relationship with the love of my life.

That said, I have a lot to be thankful for today.  I've recently learned what wonderful, supportive friends and family I have.  They say you never really know someone until you go through a tragedy with them.  Well, now I've gone through two.  If I'd been posting about 9/11 alone, I'd tell you to go home, hug your loved ones and be thankful for what you have.  Posting now, with these papers on my desk, the sight of which make my hands shake and my heart drop to the floor, knowing I've probably seen someone I love more than anything in the world for the last time makes me want to scream it from the roof tops.  Treasure every moment.  You never know when it will be the last.

Peace to us all.


  1. My heart is breaking right along with yours...xoxoxoxo

  2. I'm so sorry, Jenna. Peace and blessings to you!

  3. Since words fail me right now, I will simply pray for you.

    Brava for your strength and bravery in channeling your suffering into a constructive purpose, reminding us all to be grateful for all our blessings (big or small).

  4. Just stumbled across a tweet someone retweeted into my stream which led me to your blog. Just had to tell you: It gets better. I feel for your loss, but hope you find greatness in whatever is new. I'm remarried and happier than I've ever been. Didn't think it could happen, in fact hated my past and wish it could be erased. But now, I think I'd never have met my wife if I hadn't have lived through where I've been.

  5. Wow! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I do thank God that you have great support. Thank you for showing your heart with us.